


divorce court blues

by sumersprkl



Category: Cinderbrush (Web Video), Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Aff and Jamie are twelve and thirteen in this, Cinderbrush, I did not do any research into how divorce court works sorry, I swap between they and he for Jamie and use they for Aff, It gets better I promise, Jamie's kind of a dick in this but they're thirteen so it's in character, Kid Fic, Other, even though it's set in the past I'm just not into writing misgendering if I can help it, rated teen for cussing, so suspend your pronoun disbelief, this is set during the divorce
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-19 04:02:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22871527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sumersprkl/pseuds/sumersprkl
Summary: While Cameron said that Aff was his first kiss, Aff never said that Cam was their first.
Relationships: Aff Flowers/Jamie Wrenly
Comments: 12
Kudos: 128





	divorce court blues

It was almost a relief for Jamie when they found out that their parents were actually going through with the divorce. Of course, that was before he found out just how much fucking time a divorce actually takes. They’ve been sitting in this courtroom for hours now, and they’re not even in the room with the comfy benches. Greg’s paramour’s kid had seen to that by screaming and breaking the witness stand when they got questioned by their mom’s lawyer.

Jamie had felt like screaming too, if only because that outburst was going to make all of this shit take just that much fucking longer.

Speaking of Other Kid’s outbursts, Other Kid looks like they’re on the verge of another one right now. They’re leaning forward on the bench, hands clenched on the underside, chewing on the hood of their jacket like a fucking weirdo, and making weird growling sounds every time their mom’s lawyer dares to speak.

Jamie internally sighs. It isn’t fucking charity, what he’s about to do. If Other Kid pulls up the entire row of benches with their bare hands, there won’t be a courtroom available at all, and the proceedings will get delayed again. That’s the last thing Jamie fucking wants.

Jamie stands up and kicks the bench lightly right by Other Kid’s feet. Other Kid looks at them, startled and still angry. Jamie’s pretty sure there are fangs in that snarl, but he’s thirteen now, so he’s not gonna back down from some punk-ass twelve-year-old even if they did kick a hole through two inches of solid polished chestnut.

“Get up, let’s go,” Jamie says. Other Kid’s expression melts from anger to confusion almost instantly. They’re so easy to read that Jamie’s sure it’s gonna be fun to fuck with them for the entire rest of this case, but first they’ve gotta get both of them out of this fucking courtroom.

“Up, come on, the adults have at least two hours of arguing left and you look like you’re about to kick over a witness stand,” he says. The anger’s back on Other Kid’s face, this time tempered with guilt. They open their mouth but Jamie shakes his head. “No buts. You think anyone’s even gonna notice we’re gone until we’re out of session?”

“I-“ Other Kid says, and Jamie rolls their eyes. He grabs them by the front of their hoodie (the side not covered in spit and teeth marks, gross) and levers them up from the bench. They both glance up at the front of the room, but since everyone’s busy finding ways to insult each other without being in contempt of the court, no one seems to care.

“Come along, Other Kid,” Jamie says, and does not check under the bench for claw marks. Miracle of miracles, Other Kid actually follows.

They’re out in the empty hallway when Other Kid speaks again. “Aff,” they say.

“Gesundheit,” Jamie replies.

“No, I… My name’s Aff. Aff Flowers. Not Other Kid. And definitely not Abigail.”

A part of Jamie is tempted to start immediately calling Other Kid “Abigail”, but they actually sympathize with the whole hating your birth name bullshit. “Jamie” is a middle name, and the only compromise they could come to with their parents.

“Well then, come along, Aff Flowers.” He leads them to the door of the other courtroom, opens the door and ducks the caution tape.

“Uh, this room’s closed,” Aff says, hovering just outside the doorway.

“If they didn’t want us in here, they would have locked it,” Jamie says.

“I mean they did put up a Do Not Enter sign so I kinda think they don’t want us in here?”

“Do I care what they want?”

“…Do you?”

“It’s not a trick question, Aff Flowers. The answer is no I do not.” Jamie grabs Aff’s hand and pulls them forward, so that they have to either duck or take the caution tape to the face. Or more like to the chest, because Aff is, unfortunately, taller than Jamie. By quite a lot.

Aff ducks, and just like that they’re in the room. The wood shards from the smashed podium have been swept up, but the hole in the floor from where it landed is still there and still significant. Jamie catches Aff staring at it, so they let out a loud theatrical groan and flop back onto one of the much more comfortable benches. Aff startles and turns to look at him.

“…How did you even know this would be unlocked?” Aff asks.

“Oh, I didn’t. This is just a happy coincidence,” Jamie says. “So tell me something, Aff Flowers. Is there any particular reason you Hulked out and destroyed a witness stand the other day?”

Aff’s posture goes from guilty to defensive in a split second. “What does it matter to you?”

“It doesn’t, really,” Jamie shrugs. “But whatever it is means we can’t be in the comfier room without breaking in.” Back to guilt. It’s like Jamie’s playing emotional ping-pong and Aff’s the ball. 

“It’s just… that guy was saying awful things about my dad,” Aff says.

“That’s kind of his job as your mom’s lawyer.”

Aff’s eyes flash and nostrils flare. “Why does she even think she gets to sue for custody anyway? She only wants me so she can make me be a ‘real girl’ again!”

Now that Jamie thinks about it, Aff had been wearing a dress to the first hearing. They’d looked miserable, but Jamie had put it down to typical divorce angst until they’d knocked out the witness stand with no weapon but a pair of ill-fitting black Mary Janes.

Aff’s staring at him, waiting for something. Judgment, or follow-up questions followed by judgment. Unfortunately, this is the one area where Jamie isn’t really qualified to judge.

“Yeah, my parents mostly stopped giving a fuck about my gender fuckery once the divorce shit hit the fan,” Jamie says. Aff looks shocked, but about the admission or the curse words, Jamie can’t tell. Probably the cussing. Other than the outbursts, Aff strikes Jamie as strait-laced. With any luck, they’ll grow out of it by high school. Aff is too busy gaping to reply, so Jamie keeps talking. “But before that, my dad was fucking militant about it. Last time my hair got too long for him, he dragged me to a barber for a fucking buzz cut. Probably knew I’d kick his ass if he tried to do it himself in the bathroom sink again.”

Jamie runs their hand over their hair. It’s at that awkward fuzzy growing stage where it sticks up everywhere, but that also means it’s almost long enough to dye. It’s so light naturally that it should be easy to do it without bleaching. While Greg’s distracted, Jamie bets they could manage it without getting shoved under a razor.

“You’re… You too?” Aff asks. Jamie shrugs. He doesn’t really look it right now, he knows. Greg had shredded all of Jamie’s more adventurous fashion choices, and they’d had to fish their last bottle of black nail polish out of the trash, so they were saving it for a special occasion. 

“That’s awesome!” Aff says, and they sound like they mean it. Jamie is very reluctantly charmed. They wonder where their intentions of fucking with Aff went. 

He’s got no time to ponder that, though, because at that moment the door starts rattling. Aff looks at Jamie in horror. Jamie makes a split-second judgment call and drags the both of them behind the juror’s stand, as far into the corner as possible and crouched under the low wall. Someone tries the door handle and swears when it doesn’t open. “Could’ve sworn I left this locked,” a male voice says. There’s more rattling, and this time the door swings open. 

Two sets of footsteps into the room, one heavy and one light and clicking across the floor. “Wow,” says a female voice this time. “The kid did this? Really did a number on the flooring.” Aff whimpers a little, and Jamie puts their hand over Aff’s mouth.

“Yeah, I don’t know. Wood must’ve been rotted, or somethin’. Or the kid’s in karate,” the male voice replies. Jamie knows that voice from somewhere, but he’s not sure until the two adults step up to inspect the hole in the floor, and Jamie catches a glimpse of the shoes. They’re definitely cop boots, and Jamie knows exactly who’s here: the acting bailiff, and also coincidentally the sheriff’s officer who refused to let them off with a warning that one time Jamie got caught with weed a few months back. 

But who was the woman? As far as Jamie knew, Officer Caldwell wasn’t married, and the receptionist for the courthouse had gone home for the night right after their case started. 

“But whatever it is, repairs don’t start for a week. Until then, this room’s empty and I’ve got the only key in the building,” Caldwell continues. “So where do you want to do this?”

“The judge’s chair, of course. Where else? I’m sure everyone’s had that fantasy,” the female voice says. The feet move off, and then there are some wet noises. Aff makes a disgusted face under Jamie’s hand when they realize what’s happening.

Jamie’s gotta see this. He’s got to know. Jamie thumbs open their phone, unlocks it without looking, sits up on their knees. Aff mouths something at him, probably along the lines of “what the fuck are you doing,” but he just presses a finger to his mouth and lifts his phone ever so slightly over the half wall, using the little banister along the top to steady his hands.

Jamie snaps the picture, and the flash goes off. They curse and duck back down, but it’s too late, Caldwell’s already yelling “What the fuck?” and standing up. Jamie’s panicking, trying to find some way out of this, if not for himself then for Aff. Maybe if they move in front of Aff, Caldwell will be too pissed to look properly? He seems like the kind to get stupid when he’s angry.

It’s not like Jamie can do much else now that Caldwell’s rounded the corner, trailed by a half-dressed woman that Jamie is pretty sure is the judge’s wife. Jamie looks down at his phone screen. It’s a perfect, incriminating, crystal-clear shot of when Sharon was leaning back to take her shirt off, both faces visible and recognizable. If Jamie lives through the next few seconds, they’re never getting busted by Caldwell for anything ever again. 

“There you are,” Caldwell says. “Should’ve guessed it would be you, you little shit. What do you think you’re getting out of perving on me? Nothing but a broken phone and a black eye, is what.”

“Don’t you dare,” something growls behind Jamie. There’s a blur and suddenly Aff is in front of him, fists clenched and looking a hell of a lot more threatening than any twelve-year-old should.

“Breaking my phone wouldn’t work anyway. It’s on Google Drive, dumbass,” Jamie says.

Caldwell takes a step forward, but stops when Aff snarls. “Take two big steps back,” Aff says, with enough authority in their voice that it actually looks like Caldwell’s considering it. Sharon’s already done so.

“I would listen to my friend here,” Jamie says. “All I have to do is hit this button, and this picture gets Facebook messaged to Judge Thompson, the sheriff, and your mother.” Jamie’s only bluffing about the mother. They’ve got a group chat set up with the official sheriff’s office page and Judge Thompson’s personal account, with their finger hovering over the send button.

“Jerry, don’t,” Sharon begs, taking the smallest step forward to grab Caldwell by the arm.

“So what’s it gonna be?” Jamie asks. Caldwell clenches his jaw, and takes two steps back. 

Jamie’s voice and hands are shaking as he says “And now you’re going to leave, and not tell anyone you saw us here.”

“And you won’t send the picture to anybody?” Sharon asks.

“Not unless either of you gives me a very good reason,” Jamie says, feeling a little like a mob boss and a little like they’re gonna pee their pants.

Caldwell and Sharon leave. Once Jamie is sure they’re both out the door, he sighs heavily and sinks down against the wall. Aff slides down next to them. 

“Wow,” Aff says. “That was really cool.”

“Thanks,” Jamie replies, trying to get his heart rate under control. “It was also super cool of you to jump in front of him like that. That was crazy. And brave.”

“You think I’m cool and brave?” 

“Absolutely. I thought Caldwell was gonna mash me like potatoes, and you were just like ‘not today, motherfucker.’ That was pretty chill of you.”

Aff stares them in the face, probably looking for a trick, which is fair considering what Jamie dragged them in here for in the first place. But there’s no trick this time, so he just smiles at them. 

Aff grabs Jamie by the front of his shirt, and he’s briefly worried that Aff’s gonna finish what Caldwell couldn’t, but instead they just drag them in for the shortest and worst kiss that Jamie’s ever been a part of.

To be fair, it’s also the best and longest kiss that Jamie’s ever been a part of. 

Aff pulls back almost immediately, turns bright red, says “I’ve gotta go, bye,” and bolts out of the room.

Jamie stays a while longer, sitting with their back to the low wall. If his parents care enough to look for him, they can find him here later.


End file.
